“I’ve been standing for three years and I feel like I hurt as much today as the day my spouse left me. Why do you tell me to examine myself when he has obviously committed the greater wrong?”
First, we can all agree that standing isn’t easy. In most cases, the hurt you still feel is stemming from continuing unforgiveness. This unforgiveness may have developed further into deep resentment. Not until we release our bitter root of judgement against our spouses, can our own hurts heal. When we release any unforgiveness or judgement toward our spouse, we will see that God’s Spirit can reach them more easily with conviction of their own sin.
We need to forgive our spouses frequently, until we become quite skilled and prompt at doing so. The way to develop an attitude of forgiveness is to study and meditate on Scripture verses about it. We must also gain an awareness of what it cost the Father to forgive us of our own sins.
As we intercede regularly for our spouses and anyone with whom they may be involved, we will begin to feel the same compassion that our Lord Jesus felt while he was dying at the hands of others. If you remember, Jesus prayed, asking the Father to forgive the people who harmed him and not hold their sin against them.
In addition to walking in love, it is essential that we get victory over our thoughts. Three things will help us to accomplish this. First, we must refuse to let our minds dwell on the negative. Second, we must provide refuge for our minds by fostering our relationship with Jesus. And third, we need to restrict Satan’s activity with the process of binding and loosing. To help us stabilize our minds, we need to find godly friends who are in agreement with us to accomplish His will in bringing reconciliation and healing to our marriage. A Covenant Keeper’s Group is a great place to start.